


Crossing Tracks

by CongressIsAliens



Series: Trans!Perry 'Verse [2]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Action, But you know plot bunnies, Canon-Typical Violence, Episode: s04e07 Sidetracked, Fluff, Getting Together, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), I also did not expect this to be nearly 10k, I did not expect to write this, M/M, Perryshmirtz Week 2020, Sibling Bonding, Trans Male Character, but there is perryshmirtz!, this is mostly about lyla&perry, you just have to wait until the end lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26965669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CongressIsAliens/pseuds/CongressIsAliens
Summary: Getting assigned to a mission with another agent -especially an agent that messed up one of your missions a couple months ago- always sucks.Unless, of course, it's your Canadian half-sister. Then it's going to be ablast.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus, Lyla Lolliberry & Perry the Platypus
Series: Trans!Perry 'Verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1849984
Comments: 7
Kudos: 73
Collections: Perryshmirtz Week 2020





	Crossing Tracks

**Author's Note:**

> Perryshmirtz Week Day 7: Free Day
> 
> Basically just Sidetracked with a human!Perry that already knows Lyla. 
> 
> And then Perryshmirtz because I could.

Perry shivers in the cold Seattle air, leaning against his motorcycle and watching a donut truck from an overpass.

He sighs, wishing he was wearing an actual coat instead of this thin windbreaker. 

It actually isn't raining, surprisingly, so at least there's that. It's just annoyingly cold and windy.

An explosion rips open the side of a building below, causing a bright flash in the otherwise dark city. Perry snaps to attention, all senses immediately on high alert. 

Perry narrows his eyes as he watches two crooks load some metal parts into the donut truck. This is it. After an exhausting all-nighter of tailing these three, he's finally got them cornered. Flipping the visor on his helmet down, he kicks away a cinder block and starts to give chase. 

It isn't long before he's right behind the donut truck, heading north on I-13. His headlights illuminate the back of the dingy truck as they speed along the empty interstate.

The driver of the truck makes eye contact with him through the mirrors, and the metal donut slash claw on the top of the truck swings into a pile of barrels. 

Oily drums cascade down from their neat stack, practically raining down on the agent.

Perry swerves, dodging the barrels, then activates the laser on the back of his motorcycle to cut away the top corners of the truck's back door. The door swings open, sending up arcs of sparks as it drags along the ground. One of the crooks uses a crowbar to pry open the latch, sending the door flying towards Perry. 

He ducks and accelerates a bit as the door flies over his head. 

Dawn begins to break as Perry chases the crooks out of town and onto twisting mountain roads. Perry switches the night vision on his helmet off as he leans into another turn. 

Up above, the gates of a Canadian border crossing loom. There's a red and white striped barricade up, but the donut truck plows right through it. Bits of the barricade fly everywhere.

"Hey, you can't do that," a sleepy border agent calls after the truck, his hat nearly flying off his head as the truck breezes by.

Perry speeds past the man as well without a second glance back.

"Hey, the same thing but in French," the border crossing agent calls after him. Perry laughs a bit to himself. He'll likely be back later anyway, crossing back into the states. He'll apologize then. 

The crooks on the donut truck start to get desperate, throwing random metal parts at him, which he dodges easily.

They reach out again with the donut claw, snapping at him in an attempt to unseat him from his motorcycle. 

Perry pulls out his grappling hook. If this is the way they want to play, then so be it. He fires the hook, watching as the cable winds around the donut claw. Leaning to one side so far that his knee nearly touches the ground (a maneuver he perfected a couple years ago, at the expense of his favorite pair of pants), he scoots under the truck and comes out the other side. 

He disconnects the cable from the hook and wraps it around the front of his motorcycle, then starts to skid to a stop. 

The sound of another motorcycle causes him to peek back in his mirrors. It looks to be another OWCA agent...crap. 

"You're out of your jurisdiction, buddy," the agent says, flashing a badge at him. Perry squints at the badge, his vision somewhat blurry from being up for so long. 

Ah, the wonders of international regulations. He was wondering when a Canadian agent would show up.

Although that was rather fast...do they have OWCA agents stationed at border checkpoints in Canada? (How _boring_ of a job would that be?)

"I'll take it from here, eh?" the agent says, and all of a sudden, Perry recognizes her voice. 

What are the odds, that Lyla would be right here to get in his way?

She's a highly competent agent. They've worked together before. Perry has full confidence in her. 

She pulls her helmet off and stands up on her bike. Perry keeps on the brakes, hoping to slow the truck enough so she has an easier time. 

Lyla jumps onto the claw arm of the truck, bracing herself briefly before scampering up. (Perry notes that she really is living up to her code name -Agent Lemur- as she climbs.)

Unfortunately, it looks like these crooks have had the same budget cuts as OWCA. The claw arm breaks away from the truck with a truly horrible metallic shriek. Lyla windmills her arms, attempting to stay on the truck, but it's too late. The arm breaks away and Perry has to swerve to avoid being hit by it. 

Perry stops his motorcycle, untangling the grappling hook cord from the front of the bike. 

Thankfully, Lyla lands on her feet, running a few paces before stopping in futility. 

"Well, there's no catching up to them now," she says dejectedly, but Perry has other ideas. You don't become one of OWCA's best by giving up so easily, do you? He gets back on his motorcycle and is just about to continue the chase when Major Monogram pops up on his watch. 

"Agent P," he says, and Perry narrows his eyes at the mustached Major. "We've just received word that you're on Canadian soil, and you don't have jurisdiction there. Stand down, and that's an order."

"Sorry Agent P," Carl says in the background, "our hands are tied."

The Major glares at Carl off screen. "Carl, don't interrupt me." He looks back at Perry. "Return to headquarters pronto."

Perry sighs. All that for nothing. If it was anybody else screwing up a perfectly good mission, he'd be pissed, but since it's Lyla, he's just mildly disappointed. 

Eh, it's partly his fault too. With how he had used the grappling hook to slow the truck down, he put a lot of stress on where the truck joined to the claw, so the breakage was inevitable. At least Lyla is unhurt. 

"Sorry," Lyla says, and Perry shrugs. Eh, he'll get over it. Likely, somebody else in one of Canada's divisions will find and apprehend those crooks. It won't be a big deal. 

He nods goodbye to Lyla, then pulls away from the scene, eager to go home and go to bed. 

* * *

Two months later, Perry wakes up and gets ready for another day in the life. He walks out of his room as he ties his tie, grinning as Phineas barrels out of his room and nearly crashes headfirst into the wall. 

"Good morning, Uncle Perry," he says. "Ready to start another fun day?"

Perry nods as Ferb follows Phineas out of their room, albeit at a more reasonable velocity. 

"Good morning, Uncle Perry," Ferb says, and Perry ruffles his hair. Both boys run down the stairs, and shortly after Perry can hear the sound of the sliding door to the backyard opening and shutting. 

Perry walks downstairs after them, walking into the kitchen and making himself a cup of tea. 

"Hi Perry, how are you?" Linda asks, and Perry signs that he's doing well. 

"Okay mom," Candace says, leaning over the counter, "if you go out into the yard today, and there's nothing there, I'll...I'll clean the bathroom."

"Candace," Linda sighs, "you were supposed to do that anyway."

"So we have a deal?" Candace asks with a grin as Perry walks outside. 

In the backyard, Perry walks past Baljeet and Buford, who are talking about economic systems. 

Considering his cover is that he's an accountant, he should _probably_ weigh in on that discussion, but he doesn't feel like it. Instead, he just waves goodbye to the boys and their friends, smiling at Isabella as she enters the backyard.

Once he's out of sight, he throws on his fedora and enters his base through one of the many entrances scattered around the Flynn-Fletcher house. 

The face of Major Monogram pops up onto the screen as Perry sets his tea down. 

"Good morning, Agent P," he says, and Perry mostly tunes him out, in favor of righting a photo that's fallen over. 

Ah, this one. The picture of him, Lawrence, and Lyla all wearing ugly Christmas sweaters, from when Lyla and her wife came down for Christmas last year. Perry rights the photo and looks up just in time to see Major Monogram with superimposed moose antlers on his head. 

Where the hell did that come from? Oh right, Albert the Moose, Canada Day, Doofenshmirtz on a train. That can't end well. He should probably pay attention to this mission briefing. 

"Now," Major Monogram says, "this train runs along the border between the United States and Canada, so you'll only have jurisdiction on the American side of the train."

Oh boy. He's going to be with an agent from another division. Haven't they learned by now that Agent Platypus works better on his own? 

"To help you out on the Canadian side of the train, you'll be teaming up with an agent from Ontario's division, Agent Lyla the Lemur." 

Lyla's file photo, a picture of her posing next to a maple syrup bucket, pops up on the screen. 

Well, this just got a lot more interesting. Getting assigned to a mission with a random agent? Boring. Getting assigned to a mission with your sister? Now that's going to be a hell of a time. 

"You may remember her from that mission in Seattle we sent you on a couple of months ago. I know that didn't go too well, but I expect you to be professional and put that all behind you."

Perry very nearly laughs out loud. Nah, he's probably going to rib Lyla for this one. Even if he was out of his jurisdiction, he could have done a far better job. He was _about_ to do a better job. 

Besides, he's her _brother._ He can do that sort of thing. He probably _won't_ , because mistakes happen, but he could. 

"Get out there and good luck," the Major says, and Perry salutes. 

* * *

Half an hour later, Perry rappels out of his hover-jet and onto the roof of a train. 

At least, he attempts to. Another line tangles with his, and both agents tumble to the roof of the train in a heap of limbs.

"Damn, they sent Mr. I-Work-Alone on another partnered mission with me?" Lyla asks as they stand up. Perry grins and runs a hand through his hair. 

_That they did,_ he signs. _Let's hope there are less robots with swords this time._

"Oh yeah, did that cut end up healing okay?" Lyla asks.

Perry nods as he cuts a hole in the train's roof with a blowtorch. Just another scar in his growing collection. (If everything goes well and OWCA finally approves his leave (any day now...) he'll be adding a couple more two weeks from today.)

He slips through the hole and lands right in a booth in the diner car of the train. 

Across from him, Dr. Doofenshmirtz smiles innocently, a conductor's hat on his head. "Ah, Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected sur-" Perry, startled, half-rises out of his seat to punch that (definitely _not_ adorable) smile off his face.

"Nuh-uh-uh," Doofenshmirtz says with a laugh. "You're trapped, by societal convention. Look, we're in a fine dining environment, everyone knows not to thrown a scene in a fancy restaurant." Perry sighs and slumps back in his seat. "That's right. You're trapped. Sit down."

Lyla drops down into the seat next to Perry. "Oh shoot, we're trapped by societal convention."

Doofenshmirtz's eyebrows go up. "Agent Lyla the Lemur, from Canada? Is this an international team up?" He laughs. "Oh, you must hate that Perry the Platypus. A loner like you..."

Perry and Lyla share an amused look. They shared a bedroom until Perry was thirteen, they can get along just fine on a mission. Besides, if there was any agent that Perry would trust with his life, it would be her. 

"So," Lyla says, "why are you causing trouble in Canada, Doofershmatz?"

"It's _Doofenshmirtz_ ," he corrects, "and you see, I'm part of a US-Canada evil exchange program. I come up with a scheme, this other Canadian guy comes up with a scheme, and we switch. I do his scheme and he does mine. Simple, really."

Lyla nods. "You going to eat those fries?" she asks, eyeing Doofenshmirtz's plate.

"Don't touch," Heinz says with a glare. "Anyway I've got a little math quiz for the both of you."

Perry sighs. He _hates_ math. "If a train carrying Precious Albert the Moose left British Columbia at eight o'clock in the morning," Doofenshmirtz says, "going eighty miles an hour, what time would it arrive at the Canada Day celebration?"

Lyla looks like she's about to solve the problem when Doofenshmirtz cackles. "Answer? Never! Because I've tied up the conductor, and taken control of the train using my remote control Train-Operator-inator! Right now, we're all headed to my scheme exchange partner's secret fortress."

That's probably not good. Eh, with the two of them on the case, they'll stop him no time.

Again, Lyla eyes the plate of fries. This time, though, she reaches out and takes one.

"Hey cut it out," Doofenshmirtz says, "those are mine. Seriously, I can get the waiter over here if you want to order your own."

Lyla shakes her head, chewing thoughtfully on the fry. "This evil exchange partner of yours, what his name?"

Doofenshmirtz shrugs. "I think his name was Sir Railing, or Doctor Stairway, or something like that."

One would think he could remember the name of his own exchange partner. Then again, he can barely recognize Perry without his hat, so he supposes it's not entirely unrealistic. 

"Professor Bannister!" Lyla exclaims. "Of course, _my_ nemesis. Can I put some gravy on those?" she asks, pointing to the plate.

Perry gags. Lyla had convinced him try poutine once. It was disgusting. 

Evidently, Doofenshmirtz feels the same way about poutine, or maybe he just wants Lyla to keep her hands off his lunch, because he says "Seriously, leave my lunch alone."

Lyla rolls her eyes.

"Anyway," he continues, "after Professor Banister gets the moose, it's going to ruin Canada Day. Or you know, whatever. Crazy, right?"

Ruining Canada Day by stealing a moose. Well, it isn't the dumbest scheme Doofenshmirtz has tried. 

Lyla nods. "You know what's really crazy?" she asks. "How good these fries are." She steals another fry off Heinz's plate with a wink at Perry. 

Perry nearly laughs aloud. Lyla is _brilliant._

"I'm not kidding, leave those alone." Doofenshmirtz sighs. "I just don't understand it. Why do you take my lunch, when you're in the _dining car_ and you can have your _own_ lunch. It makes me _crazy_ when people pick at my food."

Lyla reaches out for another fry with a smirk. "Seriously, why is your hand out like that? I'm going to _lo_ _se it_."

Perry snickers and grabs one of Doofenshmirtz's fries himself, popping it into his mouth.

"Aw, now you're both doing it?" Perry merely nods and steals another fry. Lyla was right, these fries _are_ good. 

"Stop it, stop it!" He groans. "Oh no, not just taking them but _smashing_ them?"

Perry rolls his eyes. Lyla just poured gravy all over them, which immediately renders them inedible to non-Canadians. What else is he supposed to do?

"I can't take it anymore," Heinz says, standing up on his seat. "Get your own lunch!" he screams. 

Checkmate. The dining car goes silent for half a second before exploding into utter chaos. A couple begins to break up in a very loud manner, a waiter laments on how he hates his job. 

"Very clever," Doofenshmirtz grumbles. "You've completely dismantled my societal convention trap." He jumps down from his seat and makes a run for it. 

"Let's get that -nator," Lyla says as they scramble out of their seats to run after Doofenshmirtz. 

"It's pronounce -i- _na_ -tor," Doofenshmirtz says, slamming the door between cars shut. 

Perry opens the door, and he and Lyla run through. He smirks when he sees that the tied-up conductor has tripped Doofenshmirtz. 

"Alright, Doofenshmirtz, end of the line," Lyla says. Perry rolls his eyes at his sister's joke. (It's always nice to know that her sense of humor has stayed relatively unchanged in the twenty-odd years they'd been apart.)

"Oh, train metaphors, I see how it is," Doofenshmirtz says, right as Perry dives for the -inator. They have a brief squabble over the remote, until it goes flying towards Lyla. Unfortunately, she misses the catch and it bounces off her nose. 

Perry picks the -inator up off the floor and runs it over to Lyla. It's her nemesis's tech, she should know how to destroy it best. 

Unfortunately, when he tries to hand it over, the train conductor trips him as well and the -inator goes flying right back to Doofenshmirtz. 

Perry narrows his eyes, turning and delivering a solid flying kick to Doofenshmirtz, which sends him sprawling to the floor. 

Straddling Doofenshmirtz's chest, he brings his arm back to punch him, but Lyla stops him. 

"Wait, P, that's the Canadian side of the train," she says, and Perry rolls his eyes. Still, he drags Doofenshmirtz six inches over to the American side so he can punch him in the face. 

"You know I think I"m going back to the Canadian side," Doofenshmirtz says, scooting back over. 

"I've got this," Lyla says, reaching down to punch Doofenshmirtz. 

Unfortunately, he dodges her punch by scooting back over to the American side. 

So Perry reaches out to punch him again.

"I swear," Doofenshmirtz huffs, "you two are practically reading each other's minds." 

Perry...honestly wouldn't be surprised.

Doofenshmirtz keeps dodging their hits, scooting back and forth, until Perry's finally able to get in a punch. 

"Oh, it's on now," he says, lunging up to attack Perry again. Perry, Doofenshmirtz, and Lyla find themselves rolling around on the train floor (despite the protests of Perry's inner germaphobe) in a ball of fists and fury. 

"Ha, take that," Lyla crows when she gets a particularly good hit in. "This is for William Hull, and the War of 1812. Look it up, kids," she says as they fight.

Eventually, they trap him in one of the seats.

"Alright, P, cuff him," Lyla says, and Perry pulls a pair of handcuffs out of his hat. 

Except the person they've got trapped in one of the seats is the poor conductor. 

"Ooh, sorry," Lyla says as Perry puts his cuffs away. (To get him on their good side, Perry pulls out his knife and cuts the conductor's bindings open.)

"Where'd he go?" Lyla asks, just as the bathroom door closes.

Typical. Since she's closer, Perry lets Lyla chase after Doofenshmirtz, although he isn't far behind.

"Open up, big guy," she says, knocking on the bathroom door. 

"Occupied," Doofenshmirtz calls out, and Lyla winces. 

"Sorry, I didn't realize you had to uh..."

Doofenshmirtz laughs. "You know what they have in here, they have those tiny soaps, they make my hands look so big. It's like I'm a giant. All set." The latch on the door clicks to vacant, but the door doesn't open. 

Lyla opens the door after a moment. There's nobody in there, and the window is open. The curtains blow in the wind. 

_I can't believe it_ , Perry signs.

"I know, right? He left the seat up!"

Perry rolls his eyes and looks out the window, clinging to his fedora to keep it from blowing away.

"I'm up here, Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz says in a sing-song voice. "You knew we'd end up here eventually, right?"

Perry narrows his eyes and shoves his hat further down on his head to keep it from falling off. Beckoning back for Lyla to follow him, he pushes himself out of the window and up onto the roof of the train. 

Doofenshmirtz's eyes widen, and he darts off across the roof of the train. 

"He's getting away," Lyla yells over the whipping of the wind, and the two agents run across the roof of the train. 

A sharp turn causes all three of them to sway on the roof of the train. Perry and Doofenshmirtz manage to catch their balance, but Lyla falls off. She manages to clutch onto the side of the train, but Perry can see just how she's straining to hold on. 

Without even thinking, he lunges over and grabs onto Lyla's hand. 

He's almost pulled her back up onto the roof when the train makes another turn and they both fall off into the dust. The train sounds it's whistle as it speeds off without them. 

Shit.

Well, at least they're unharmed. 

Perry pats his pockets, wondering if anything in there could help them catch up to the train. He's about to consider just using his grappling hook to catch up (despite how dangerous that would be) when Lyla tugs on his sleeve.

"Hey, look, an old-timey handcar," she says, pointing to what looks like tetanus in the form of, yep, an old-timey handcart sitting alongside the tracks. "We can use that to catch up with the train. Whaddaya say?"

_Can we get up to those speeds on just a handcar?_

"I don't know, but it'll be faster than walking, eh?"

_That's true,_ Perry signs, helping Lyla drag the car onto the rails. _Ready?_

"Let's get going."

It doesn't take long for them to get moving. The handcar is rather rusty, but as they start down the track, the wheels of the cart pick up speed. They fall into an easy rhythm as they get going, to the point where it takes very little focus to keep the handcar's wheels turning. 

"So," Lyla says as they work, "you and Doctor Doofenshmirtz. What are you guys?"

Perry raises an eyebrow. He's Heinz's nemesis. After the trapped-in-the-desert incident, they've become somewhat friends. What more is there to it? 

"Besides nemeses, obviously," she says. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're dating, right?"

Perry's eyes go wide and he shakes his head. Dating? There's no way. Yes, he has a little bit of a crush on Heinz. But no, it's not going to be reciprocated, at least as far as he knows. Why would Lyla think they're dating?

"Damn, you're not?"

Perry nods. They're not dating. They are _nemeses._ And vaguely _friends_. That's just the way it is. 

"I could have sworn you were dating. I mean, the way he was looking at you, even when you punched him in the face?" She laughs. "Now _that's_ love."

What the fuck. There's no way. Although, Heinz _does_ smile whenever he sees Perry...is that because he's excited to do evil, or because he's actually, genuinely happy to see Perry?

Perry isn't exactly the most hopeful, but he _does_ want it to be the second reason. It would only be fair, since he can barely stop himself from blushing in return when he sees Heinz smile.

"Ah, look at our little love-struck Perry," Lyla says, snapping Perry out of his reverie. "Aw, you've even got that that little smile."

Perry ducks his head, trying to hide the way he's also blushing at the notion of him being "love-struck".

Although, it's kind of true. He's never really fallen so hard for someone before, and these feelings have lasted much longer than a typical crush. 

"So you're in love with him, then," Lyla says, practically reading his mind. 

Perry nods, a bit reluctantly. It's not exactly common knowledge, and he'd kind of like to keep it that way, but if he can't trust Lyla who can he trust?

The track gets steeper as they start to climb a hill, and for a little while, they're both preoccupied with getting it over the hill and not falling backwards. Finally, though, the handcar crests the hill, and Lyla whoops. "Here we go!"

Thankfully, the handcar doesn't fall off the tracks as they rocket down the slope. Perry grins as they speed down the hill, gripping the push bar with one hand and his hat with the other. The wind whips around the duo as the car takes turns at breathtaking speeds. 

Usually Perry doesn't like roller coasters all that much, but this is different. This is a whole other type of adrenaline rush, one that leaves both agents breathless and giggling as the cart slows down to a normal speed. 

"Now we're cooking with gas," Lyla snickers. "Damn, we work well together."

Like a well-oiled machine. A handcart might be a heavy-handed metaphor, but it's certainly a _fitting_ metaphor. 

"So, since Doofenshmirtz clearly likes you, why haven't you asked him out yet?" Lyla asks, steering the conversation back towards Perry's pitiful love life. 

Perry shrugs. There are a lot of reasons, mostly having to do with the fact that Doofenshmirtz doesn't _actually_ like him, and he doesn't want to sacrifice a perfectly good frienemesis relationship for a _maybe_ romantic relationship. 

Besides, while dating would be nice, Perry's never had a romantic relationship that ended well. Just like everything else, he tends to rush into them headfirst, then crash and burn. (If they haven't already been doomed from the start because of who he is.)

With Heinz's similar tendencies, would it really be a good idea to go out with him?

"Okay, then _are_ you going to ask him out anytime soon?" Lyla asks.

Perry shakes his head. Absolutely not. 

"C'mon. Take a chance. What if you're missing out on the greatest relationship of your life?"

And what if he's just missing out on Heinz rejecting him offhand, or even worse, Heinz stringing him along because he's evil?

Or they might just not work out. There's also the high chance that once Heinz finds out that Perry's trans, that he'll freak out. It's happened before. If the patterns of the past repeat, it'll happen again. 

He takes enough chances because of his job. Taking a chance on his love life has literally _never_ ended well. 

"Seriously. At least think about it, kay?"

Perry shakes his head again. If he _really_ wanted to get hurt, he would punch himself in the face right now. At least that would be over quickly.

"Why not?"

Because Heinz doesn't know. He doesn't know about Perry's personal life, or his family, or _anything._ All he knows is the stoic secret agent. 

"Well, that can't be true," Lyla says, and Perry has to wonder if his face is really _that_ easy to read. "He might not know about Phineas and Ferb, but he knows that you're smart, strong, and courageous."

Perry raises one eyebrow. Now she's just inflating his ego.

"Think about this. He has no idea I'm your sister, he just thinks we're agents barely tolerating each other for our mission. And yet, you literally dove to save me when I was about to fall off the train. You risked your life to save -to him- a total stranger."

Yes, but Lyla is his _sister._ He'd dive off a train any day to save her.

" _He_ doesn't know we're related." She smiles reassuringly. "He knows the Perry _I_ know- the man who's willing to do what's right no matter what. Even if it means falling off a train. So, you know what, think about it." 

She considers something. "That said, if you ever need somebody to whoop his ass, call me, eh? I can get most of Ontario branch down in a snap. We got your back."

Perry grins, and takes one hand off the push bar briefly to sign _thank you_. 

"Any time. Canada doesn't have much in the way of evil science, so we're always looking for opportunities to battle bad guys. I know a whole heck of a lot of people who would be willing to help. Especially to help _my_ _brother_."

A train whistle sounds again, but this time it's much closer. They're finally catching up. 

At long last, they catch up with the train. Several people point out the windows at them on the handcar, and a one even starts to take a video on their phone. 

Perry grins and motions with his head towards the train. 

"I see it, P," she says, and lets go of the bar. Perry does too, stepping as far to the side as he can to keep it from smacking him in the face. 

They use their grappling hooks to get up onto the train, then open one of the doors between cars to get in.

Somehow, they choose the car that Doofenshmirtz is in. Perry takes a running jump and kicks Doofenshmirtz, who turns his fall into a spectacular breakdancing move. 

"Ha! Bet you can't do that," he says, and Perry snickers. Actually, one would be surprised at how much Perry knows. "I learned that in the 80's."

"I also learned how to back away slowly on a newly installed escape platform," he says with a laugh as he steps backwards. "So long, suckers!"

He rises on a platform that goes to the roof, and Lyla sighs.

_There's a ladder on the outside of the car_ , Perry signs, and they run back towards the door. 

They get up onto the roof, where there are a half-dozen bright orange chairs nailed to the roof of the train car. Perry snickers. _This_ is an observation deck? There's also an old guy with binoculars, who Doofenshmirtz is arguing with. 

"Hold it right there, Doofenshmirtz," Lyla says. 

"No," Doofenshmirtz says, " _you_ hold it right there. Because I still have this!" He holds the Train-Operator-inator up in the air. "The Train-Operator-inator! Without it the train would be completely-"

The -inator smashes on the roof of a tunnel. 

"Fuck," Lyla curses under her breath, and Perry elbows her. 

"-out of control," Doofenshmirtz finishes, thoroughly cowed. 

* * *

Back in Danville, Phineas picks up an adjustable wrench. "Hey," he wonders aloud, "where's uncle Perry?"

* * *

"Alright," Doofenshmirtz says, "so I'm on a runaway train in a tunnel. Afraid of the dark." He pauses his rambling. "Probably also afraid of runaway trains, never really given it much thought. Doesn't come up that...get off me get off me get off me!"

Lyla smirks at Perry as the train exits the tunnel, holding up a couple of rubber spiders (where did she even get those?), and Perry has to cover his mouth with his hand to keep from laughing aloud. 

If he had rubber spiders, he'd do the same thing.

"Okay let's focus," Lyla says. "There's got to be an emergency brake in the engine car." Perry nods. That's going to be the most likely place. "Let's go," she says, and they start running across the roof. 

"I- I guess I'll go with you, then," Doofenshmirtz says, and he runs after them. 

"Wait up, Perry the Platypus," he says after a moment, and Perry and Lyla turn around. "My shoe's untied. Just hang on a second." He ducks down to tie his shoe, ducking right under a metal structure. 

"You can't be too careful when you're running across a moving train. There we go," he says, straightening up. "On second thought," he says, bending back down and barely avoiding an overhanging branch, "I'll double knot this."

He stands back up. "Okay, let's go."

Perry and Lyla watch as he takes two steps and falls right through a hole in the roof...straight into the bathroom. 

"You know," Lyla says, "he's either the luckiest idiot I've ever seen, or the unluckiest."

_Trust me, I know,_ Perry signs. 

"I guess you would," Lyla says, and they run up to the front of the train. 

In the engine car, Lyla slides under the control panel, looking for the emergency brake. Perry fiddles with the controls, looking for something else that could help them. Unfortunately, it looks like Doofenshmirtz and Bannister have completely rendered everything useless. 

"Damn it, I'm going to have to jury-rig the controls," Lyla says with a sigh. "The emergency brake is _toast._ "

Doofenshmirtz falls into the control car with a shriek, closing the roof entrance behind him. 

"If we weren't in the middle of a runaway train crisis," he pants, catching his breath, "I would totally be giving you a hard time about leaving me in the toilet bowl."

Perry rolls his eyes. They've got more important things to worry about right now. 

Like the train being out of control. Speaking of that, they're _definitely_ not slowing down yet...

"Now let me just get the red wire... Ah-ha! Bingo!" Lyla says. 

"Uh, not to burst your bubble, but I don't think we're slowing down," Doofenshmirtz says, and he has a point. If anything, they're picking up more speed. 

"We're not," Lyla says brightly. "I just got the hazard lights working. Safety first, you know. The brakes were too far gone to fix. Now," she hums, "we just need to get all the passengers _and_ Precious Albert the Moose into the same car, and we can save them."

Perry churrs to get Lyla's attention. _What about the caboose?_ he suggests. 

"Brilliant," Lyla says. "Precious Albert is already back there." They turn to the other side of the car and start to fiddle with the (thankfully still operational) PA system, while Doofenshmirtz mutters something about friends. 

"Attention passengers," Lyla says into the microphone. "There is no need to panic, but-"

Despite there being a door between the engine and the rest of the train, Perry can still hear the passengers panicking. 

He sighs. Typical. _Let's get to the caboose,_ he signs, and the three of them move down the train. 

"Folks," Lyla says once all the passengers have been herded into the caboose, "everything is under control, eh? We're just going to separate the caboose from the rest of the train."

Perry jumps onto the caboose, having separated it from the rest of the train after Lyla and Doofenshmirtz climbed aboard. 

"Oh, you already did it. Nice going." She and Perry share a fistbump. "I'm going to take a pic of this and send it to Lieutenant Linguist."

Everybody in the caboose cheers. "We're saved!" Heinz exclaims. "We did it!"

Well, it's not like he did much of anything except get them _into_ this mess, but he looks so happy Perry can't help but smile himself. 

Lyla gives Perry a pointed look, and he rolls his eyes. Yes, he _knows_ he's being stupid about all of this, but so what? He's a perfectly functional adult (after he's had his tea, at least), he can deal with a little crush. 

Unfortunately, it isn't long before more things start to go wrong. Two claws puncture the sides of the train car, causing it to jolt. 

"Wait, I swear that wasn't me," Doofenshmirtz says, holding his hands up in defense. Perry looks out the window. This must be the work of someone else, since Doofenshmirtz isn't holding any sort of evil controller. 

The car sways, and Perry grabs onto the windowsill to keep himself from falling over. Out the window, Perry can see the ground getting farther away...they must have been lifted into the air by something. 

Over the screams of the terrified passengers, Perry can hear the blades of a helicopter. That must be what's lifting them.

Perry and Lyla rush over to the door of the caboose. Looking out, Perry can see that Bannister Evil Enterprises is written on the underside of the helicopter currently lifting the caboose.

"Bannister!" Lyla shakes her head. "I should've known. You thinking what I'm thinking?" 

Perry grins and pulls his grappling hook out of his hat. He and Lyla climb up onto the roof of the caboose, firing their grappling hooks at the helicopter. 

Propelling themselves into the helicopter, Perry and Lyla come face to face with a broad-shouldered man who has a hairstyle vaguely reminiscent of broccoli. (Although it's not like Perry can judge, as his own hair color has been compared to cotton candy a fair few times.)

"Well, well, well," Professor Bannister says, "if it isn't Ontario's best agent, the unfortunately named Lyla Lolliberry."

Lyla huffs. "Listen you, I come from a long alliterative line of Lolliberrys."

Perry nods, balling his hands into fists. Somehow he managed to _not_ have a birth name that started with an L, but he's still (half) Lolliberry. And family sticks up for family. 

"And now you're trapped," Bannister continues, "miles above solid ground, with nothing but a _punk_ at your side."

"He's not a punk, he's a _suave_ and _charming_ secret agent," Doofenshmirtz says as he climbs up into the helicopter, and Perry can feel his face grow warm. Lyla elbows him, but he ignores her.

"Hiya Banny!" Doofenshmirtz says once he's fully in the helicopter. "Pardon me, official exchange buddy coming through."

Lyla elbows Perry again, and when Perry turns to look, she gives him a pointed look.

Perry rolls his eyes. Yes, he heard what Doofenshmirtz said. No, it _doesn't_ mean his crush is reciprocated. Doof is just...like that. 

"Yo, bro," Doofenshmirtz says. "Back so soon? My evil plan usually takes all day. How'd you do it so fast?"

Bannister sighs. "Well I'll tell you. It went a little something like this..."

His eyes glaze over, and Perry can tell he's going into an expositional backstory. But since he's not Bannister's nemesis, he can't exactly follow him into the backstory. 

It's over rather fast, though, so Perry has to wonder what exactly was _in_ said backstory. 

Probably nothing important.

"Well, I guess if you've got no one to monologue to..." Doofenshmirtz says. 

"Alright, alright, enough backstory," Lyla says. 

"Actually that's not, uh... that's not really a backstory," Doofenshmirtz says, "it's just an expositional flashback. It doesn't, uh, have any childhood trauma, it doesn't really form who he is, it's not... It's just a flashback, there's a difference." Perry nods. He's seen enough of both to know the difference as well.

"It's subtle," Doofenshmirtz finishes, "but there's a difference. Anyway, you're not the only productive one around here. _I've_ taken care of your moose problem."

"Perfect!" Bannister crows. "No Albert the Moose, no Canada Day."

Lyla narrows her eyes. "And you call yourself a _Canadian,"_ she says, the disgust in her voice clearly audible. 

Bannister smirks. "Do I? You think that just because I'm polite, smell like pine needles, and over emphasize my T's, I'm Canadian?" Perry shrugs. Why not?

"Well, you'd be wrong!" he exclaims, pulling down the Canadian flag on the wall to reveal the flag of Greenland as Lyla and Doofenshmirtz gasp. "Because I'm from Greenland!"

Well, Perry had wondered why there was a Canadian flag on the wall of a helicopter. This makes more sense. (At least to him, anyway. To most other people, having the flag of Greenland on the wall of a helicopter would also be a strange thing. Those people haven't seen the things Perry has seen.)

"Cool flag," Doofenshmirtz says. 

"Thanks!" Bannister says, before he narrows his eyes. "Wait! No it's not! And that's the _problem._ We in Greenland have no national pride. I mean listen to this," he says, pulling his phone out of his lab coat and playing the national anthem of Greenland.

"Seriously, does that inspire you to do anything other than ice fish?" he asks, and Perry has to agree with him. It really doesn't. 

"But _Canada_ , he says staring out the open door of the helicopter, "Oh, they've got it all. The maple syrup, the national parks, the medal winning curling team..." Perry tunes out his rant pretty quickly. Ah yes, Canada is wonderful. Right up until you're digging your motorcycle out of a snowbank. Or was that the mission in Siberia?

Either way, Perry snaps back to the conversation when Bannister says "...and I've written a new national anthem!"

Perry rolls his eyes. _Spare us_ , he signs, but nobody is looking, so the Professor sings his own Greenland national anthem. Off-key, as to be expected. 

Heinz is a much better singer. And he writes better lyrics. Then again, Heinz hasn't tried to rewrite the national anthem of Greenland, so who knows?

"You're from Greenland?" Doofenshmirtz asks, like he's been tuning out the last five minutes. (Although it's Doofenshmirtz, maybe he has.) "Do you know the punishment for mis-representing your country of origin to the LOVEMUFFIN Organization? Plus your scheme is unnecessary complicated and doesn't even seem like it would work. And that's coming from me!"

Perry snickers, remembering the BO-AT, the mime-inator, and the -inator that only opened and closed a lobster trap. Honestly, Bannister's scheme seems like something a Canadian Doofenshmirtz (or, as the case may be, a _Greenlandian_ Doofenshmirtz) would do.

"It's the perfect plan!" Bannister cackles, then his right shoulder beeps. "Yes it will," he says to his right shoulder, and Perry raises an eyebrow.

"See, he agrees. Will you stop it?" he says to his left shoulder. 

" _Who_ is he talking to?" Lyla mutters. 

"Oh, how rude of me. Allow me to introduce..." Bannister rips off his lab coat, revealing a pair of robots identical to Bannister himself. Complete with broccoli hair. Perry drops into a subtle fighting stance, and he can tell Lyla is doing the same. "Me-Positive, and Me-Negative! They're two magnetic robots I created for the sole purpose of _vanquishing my enemies._ "

That's nice. 

"Magnetic robots?" Doofenshmirtz asks. 

"Yes, because it's all about polarity! You can't have two positives, or two negatives."

"Oh, you can have two negatives, just look at my family," Doofenshmirtz grumbles, and Perry snickers. He's heard the backstories. 

"Wait a second," Lyla says. "Those parts look oddly familiar..." Perry looks closer. Yep, he recognizes that plating. And those strange plus and minus eyeballs look familiar as well. 

"Oh, right," Bannister says. "I got them from some friends of mine. I think you may have met in Seattle."

He motions to the back of the helicopter, where the three thugs from the donut truck are sitting around a folding card table and playing cards. The driver is shuffling the deck as the other two watch. 

"Wow," Doofenshmirtz remarks, "those guys have been playing cards _really_ quietly."

"I remember them," Lyla muses. "But I knew they would lead me to you, Bannister. _That's_ why I let them escape."

Huh. She _had_ clung to the truck for a little bit before the fall, she must have been affixing a backup tracking device. 

That must have been why she was so nonchalant about failing the mission. She hadn't _actually_ failed at all. 

She's brilliant, really. 

"Never mind them," Bannister says. "Me-Positive and Me-Negative can take care of you."

"Oh, I get it," Lyla laughs, "we're going to have an old fashioned helicopter fight." Perry grins and punches his fist into his open hand a couple times. 

"A helicopter fight?" Doofenshmirtz asks warily. "Those can get really nasty. I'm just...going to go play cards." He backs away to the back of the helicopter and sits in the empty folding chair. One of the thugs deals him into their game. 

Perry narrows his eyes. It's _on_. 

The positive and negative robots advance towards the agents, clanking against the floor of the helicopter. The positive robot swings at Lyla, but she dodges easily and lands a kick just a second later. 

Meanwhile, Perry ducks the negative robot's strange fist-like hands, grazing a punch onto the side of the robot's head. 

Damn, he forgot how much punching metal hurts. It's why he doesn't punch Doofenshmirtz in the arms anymore, not after he found out the hard way that they were metal. 

As their helicopter fight stretches on, Perry briefly wonders what a fight between actual helicopters would be like. 

Eh, probably not as cool as it sounds.

One of the robots pins Lyla's coat to the wall, and she slips out of it, grabbing the fire extinguisher off the wall and using it to beat up her robot. 

Perry's robot climbs out of the helicopter's cab, onto the roof of the chopper. Perry follows it, careful not to get sliced in two by the spinning rotors. He can't hear a thing on the roof, but he can feel the way the helicopter shakes suddenly underneath him, and he figures a brawl must have started between the card players. 

Suddenly, Perry gets an idea. If he and Lyla can get both their robots to magnetize to the same spot of metal, they'll be stuck. It'll be the perfect thwarting. 

He knocks sharply on the part of the roof he's planning on using, hoping that Lyla will get the message. 

Thankfully, Lyla does, because when he knocks the negative robot to the roof, it can't get back up again. It merely smokes out of its joints, and if Perry could hear anything but helicopter noises, the robot's joints would probably be whining. 

"What?" Bannister exclaims when Perry and Lyla drop down in front of him, back in the cab of the helicopter.

Perry and Lyla smirk in tandem, and in the background, Doofenshmirtz cackles. He must have won his fight too. 

He's really a capable fighter...but Perry is still a secret agent with a literal decade of experience, so he'll always end up victorious. 

Not for lack of effort on Doofenshmirtz's part. 

Bannister rips the Greenland flag off the wall and throws it over Lyla and Perry. They easily shrug the flag off, but Bannister is already halfway across the helicopter by the time they have. 

"I have just one thing to say to you Lyla Loliberry," he says, backing down the newly opened ramp. " _Farvel!"_

He jumps backwards, a bright yellow parachute expanding out from his bulky belt. 

"What does _farvel_ mean?" Lyla asks, echoing Perry's thoughts. He shrugs. 

"It's Danish for 'goodbye'," Bannister calls out, floating to the ground. "Danish is actually one of the languages we speak in Greenla-"

His sentence is cut short when Peter the Panda flies by in a jet, grabbing onto the Professor. Peter salutes at Perry as he passes by, then rockets off into the distance.

Perry can hear a very vague "Jinx you, Lyla Lolliberry," echoing in the wind as Peter flies away. 

"How did you..." Lyla asks as they close the back door of the helicopter. 

Perry fishes his phone out of his pocket and shows her the text he sent to Peter. They might never see eye-to-eye (mostly because Peter is somewhere around six foot three and Perry is five four), but it's nice to have backup.

"Way to text in the cavalry," Lyla says, and Perry grins. "Wait, is that supposed to be a little platypus emoji?"

Yes, yes it is. (What? He thought it was clever.)

"Cute. Let's get this bird off to Canada Day," she says, sliding into the pilot's seat of the helicopter. Perry sits in the co-pilot's seat next to her. "We have a guest of honor to deliver."

They soar away, ready to deliver the moose (and an evil scientist, three goons somehow trapped in a folding table, and a couple dozen confused citizens) to Canada Day. 

A half hour's flight later, as Albert the Moose stands on a stage and does absolutely nothing at the Canada Day celebrations, OWCA is hard at work cuffing and transporting the three crooks from Seattle away. A member of OWCA's Mountie division loads up the truck, slamming the back door shut and driving off towards wherever Ontario's headquarters are.

"So _that's_ why the A3800 jetpack is the _clearly_ superior model," Lyla finishes as they stand around, waiting for Major Monogram to come talk to them. 

Perry shakes his head. No way. He'll stick with his slightly outdated but better handling model. Besides, as long as the tech geeks in Research and Development still maintain the old model, why upgrade?

"Wait, so you're not mad about losing those crooks?" Doofenshmirtz asks, walking back over to Lyla and Perry after having finally finished piecing the whole story together in his head.

"He understands how these things are," Lyla says with a shrug. "One minute you're catching a thief, the next you get intel that they might be leading you somewhere bigger and better."

Perry holds out a thumbs-up. He knows exactly what Lyla means, because he's done it before. Several times. Usually the bigger and better doesn't take two months to make itself apparent, but oh well. Either way, evil has been thwarted. 

"Oh, and by 'bigger and better' you obviously mean me, right? Right?" Doofenshmirtz asks. 

"Yeah, but that's more P's territory," she says with a wink, and Perry knows _exactly_ what sort of double meaning she's getting at. "Anyway. It was great working with you again, P," she says, ruffling Perry's hair. 

_I could say the same to you,_ Perry signs. 

"Aw, you're making me blush," she teases. 

Major Monogram and Carl walk up to them. "Good work to the both of you," the Major says. "I can see things went well with our neighbors to the North."

Perry smiles. Another mission gone right. Hey, with Lyla (…and Heinz) by his side, what can't they get done?

"Well, now that our mission is done..." Heinz says, and Perry snorts. 

_Our mission?_ he asks, one eyebrow raised. 

Heinz continues as if he wasn't interrupted. "Now that our mission is done, maybe we could drop by Niagara Falls. It's so close by, and I've always wanted to see it."

_That sounds nice,_ Perry signs. He's never been there either, so it would be nice to go. And hey, isn't Niagara falls supposed to be romantic? Maybe then he can make his move. 

"Well I suppose we could swing by on our way back," the Major says, and Lyla nods. 

The sun is tinting the sky orange as they drive to Niagara Falls. Lyla is leading the way on her motorcycle, Major Monogram and Carl are stopping to pick up something at Ontario's OWCA headquarters, and Perry and Heinz are following Lyla in a borrowed OWCA car. (His hoverjet has already returned to his base, and besides, there's only room for one in it.)

Heinz's hand is sitting on the console between the seats, and Perry considers his options. 

One, don't say anything, don't do anything.

Two, reach over and hold Heinz's hand.

Briefly, he remembers his conversation with Lyla from the handcar. This is his chance. 

Almost painstakingly slowly, he reaches over and slides his hand into Heinz's. 

There's plenty of opportunities for Heinz to pull his hand away. But he doesn't. Instead, he squeezes Perry's hand back, oh so gently. 

Perry smiles softly, glancing down briefly at their joined hands. This is definitely something he could get used to. 

The sky is almost dark when everybody arrives at Niagara Falls. Perry lets go of Heinz's hand to get out of the car, but neither of them bring the subject up. 

Everybody makes their way over to the viewing area, where the roar of the fountain is loud. 

Niagara Falls is nice, although maybe not quite as romantic as the soap operas make it seem. 

Briefly, Peter shows up, although he leaves soon after. Major Monogram (who has been crunching his way through a handful of brightly colored straws the entire time) and Carl leave shortly afterwards. 

Lyla is the next to go. As she leaves, she gives Perry a hug, then when Heinz isn't watching, a pointed look. _Tell him_ , she signs before she puts on her helmet and drives off into the night. 

He should tell him _something_ tonight. 

But what does he say? How does he say it? Finding the words is hard. There are signs he could use, but nothing really feels adequate to explain.

So he leans in a little closer to Heinz, setting his hand on top of the evil scientist's. 

Heinz's hands are cold, but still comforting. Today has been one excitement after the next, but standing next to Heinz like this, Perry feels like he can relax. 

It's strange to take comfort in an evil scientist, he's sure, but who said Perry was normal?

"Perry," Heinz asks, barely audible over the thundering waterfall, "what are we?"

Perry shrugs. _What do you mean?_

"I mean, you were holding my hand just then, but you also punched me in the face today. Several times. Are we friends, or just _nemeses,_ or are we...something else?"

_What do you want us to be?_

"I- I don't- what do _you_ want?"

Perry sighs. Fine, he'll answer his own question. _Heinz, I'd really like to date you._

"You- you want to go out with _me_?"

_Didn't I just say that?_

"Oh. Yeah. You did say that. Sorry."

_It's okay._

The silence stretches on, almost too long for Perry to bear.

Well, he shouldn't say _silence_. The roar of the waterfall is still loud in his ears. Heinz doesn't talk, though, which makes everything much quieter than it seems like it should be.

Eventually, bored of the current status quo, Perry lays one hand over Heinz's again. Even over the roar of the water, Perry can hear Heinz gulp. 

"So...are we dating?" Heinz asks. 

_Do you want to date me?_

"I- yeah, I do. I really want to go out with you. Did I not say that before?"

Perry looks up at him, one eyebrow raised. No, he didn't say that before. 

But he just did. Better late than never, eh?

"Then are we...boyfriends?"

Perry nods and smiles, and the resulting expression on Heinz's face is nothing short of giddy. Perry leans into him, resting his head on Heinz's shoulder. Heinz wraps his arm around Perry, and for a few moments, with the glow of the moon reflecting off the water, everything is perfect. 

* * *

It's almost ten PM when Perry finally gets home.

Getting back to Danville wouldn't usually take that long, but after their confession at Niagara Falls, Heinz had asked if Perry would get dinner with him on the way home. Perry accepted, of course, and they had a very nice time on their first date. 

And at the end, when Perry had dropped Heinz off at Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated, Heinz kissed him. 

It was clumsy, inelegant, and over far too quickly, but in the grand scheme of things, not a bad first kiss. 

When he walks in the door of his own home, Phineas and Ferb run up and hug him. Candace follows, slower than the boys but no less happy to see her family. Phineas starts to tell Perry in earnest about what they did that day, while Ferb adds a pointed look or two to elaborate on the details. 

"Oh, Perry, you're home," Linda says as Perry herds his niblings towards the living room. "Where were you?"

Perry smiles nervously, feeling his face heat up. _Date_ , he signs. 

"You were on a _date_?" Candace asks. "Spill! Who is he? Is he _cute_?"

Perry looks down at his watch. _I'll introduce you to him later. It's bedtime now._

"Ugh, _fine,_ " Candace says. "C'mon, you guys, if I have to go to bed so do you." 

_Go upstairs, brush your teeth, I'll be up to tuck you in soon._

Lawrence smiles the kids go upstairs. "Did I hear that you went on a date?"

Perry nods. Yes, he did. 

"Did it go well?"

Again, he nods. Before he can go through the entire gambit of Lawrence pestering him and Perry not giving anything away (because despite them being extremely close, being secretive is a hard habit to break), he yawns. 

_I think I'm going to tuck in now,_ he signs. _It's been a long day._

"Sleep well," Lawrence says. 

Candace is sitting in her bed, texting someone when Perry knocks on her doorframe. 

"So who was your date with?" she asks as she plugs her phone in. 

_Just someone from work._ He picks Mr. Miggins up from the floor and hands it to her. _Did you bust the boys today?_

She sighs. "No. I'll get them tomorrow though, I promise."

_Well, you need to go to sleep now so you can bust them bright and early tomorrow,_ Perry signs. _Good night. Love you._

"Love you too, Uncle Perry. Goodnight."

Perry turns the light off and closes Candace's door. Down the hall, he can hear Phineas already talking about what they'll do tomorrow. 

He walks in, Phineas rolling up a blueprint and Ferb putting their pencils away. 

_You two ready for bed?_ he asks. 

"Yep!" Phineas says, climbing into his boat-shaped bed. 

Ferb smiles as he gets into his own bed. _Good night,_ he signs, and Perry ruffles his hair. 

_Good night, boys,_ he signs. _Go to sleep, I don't want to hear you inventing at three in the morning._

"Okay, okay," Phineas says, grinning. "Good night, Uncle Perry."

After Perry closes the door to Phineas and Ferb's room, he can hear the last bit of their conversation. 

"Ah, an uncle's life is a life of leisure," Ferb says. 

"Yes, yes it is," Phineas agrees.

Perry laughs a bit to himself as he enters his own room, ready to lay down and pass out until morning. If only they knew. 

**Author's Note:**

> That's a wrap on Perryshmirtz Week! This was _super_ fun, and I can't wait for next year! Next project...eh, probably back to one-shots for a while. I'll follow the plot bunnies. (The current ones eating at me: LDOS but Perry goes evil, dchs rewrite, the historical AU, a musical theater AU...)
> 
> Comments and kudos always appreciated! <3


End file.
